The myth of creativity and pain
Things are a little rocky right now. Work prospects are great, and the bay area is treating me well with some beautiful weather. But ten days ago I was blindsided by some unexpected personal issues. After three years of what I thought was a solid, special relationship, I’m single once again, by a unilateral decision not my own.
There’s not much to do about it right now, just cope, and look for strategies for moving forward. I didn’t intend this blog to be a repository of emotional baggage. I’d rather keep it outward facing and optimistic. But at the moment it’s difficult to find that voice.
I realized today that I’ve been subscribed to a false belief that great creativity often comes out of intense, painful life experience. With this thick sadness clouding my vision, creativity is on hold, and I’m just concentrating on keeping one foot in front of the other, and navigating all the other parts of life that suddenly seem a lot harder. My most creative moments have happened in my happiest periods, times of intense confidence and feelings of endless possibility. Sadness doesn’t make me create. It numbs.
So for the few people who actually read this thing, thanks for sticking by me, and apologies for the naval gazing introspective stuff here, but my past few weeks have warranted it. This is my material now. This is my life. So I’m going to learn from it, the same way I learned from the lab. These changes are forcing me to go back to basics, making lists of what I need or want to achieve, and trying to make some plans about how to get there. These aren’t ambitious by most standards, but they are a starting point. I’m training at altitude here, where it is harder to breathe and think straight. If I can nail this, if I can keep moving and even grow now, when I come back down to sea level I’m going to be in good shape. That’s when I’ll really make things happen.
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June 30th, 2007 at 7:21 am
Hey Brent, I’ve been keeping your blog on my newsfeed for a while now. I moved to Europe this year, partly for work and partly because of a relationship I had with a girl in Germany. Pretty much the day I arrived she told me it was over between us, same sort of unilateral situation. It sounds, though, like you have your head in the right space, keeping busy and setting up achievements for yourself.
I’ve enjoyed your blog and look forward to what you write in the future.
t
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:24 pm
Dearest Brent,
I am sending you a big, warm hug - you can count on me any time.
Amna
July 13th, 2007 at 5:23 pm
This is so true. Been going through a thing of my own lately and it zaps all creativity right out of me. I much more creative when life goes well. Funny thing is that you kinda want to be creative when things are bad cause you want to get it out of you and you have grief and angst to say. It feels like you need to be creative, not only a myth that you should be creative, but when it’s really bad it is just too hard and doesn’t come out.
Keep tryin to do other stuffs. I hope I will. Wish for you that things look brighter soon.
August 27th, 2007 at 12:26 pm
Brent,
Congratulations on Swivel. It sounds like its going to be great for you. Hang in there and know that good things are just around the corne4r for you. And you have an extended family here that cares about you very much.
Rick